Here we are once again, faced with your life right in front of you. Faced to deal with situations that you have never chosen but has consumed your entire being.
Fear is based upon so many things.....holding on to the vision of something that once was, ensuring you can keep it the way it was.....basically changes. Strange how everything DOES change and that is what most of us don't want to happen and then, there are those that live for it.
How can we possibly evaluate ourselves if we do not have change? When you have your yearly evaluation at work, how can your superior make it valuable if there is no change?
There are things that we know as fact, the sun will rise in the East and set in the West, we know that. FACT
We are born, we will die. FACT
We start as children and hopefully, most of us will become adults. FACT
During these times, we learn things, many, MANY things. If we truly allow ourselves, we can create a new person merely by learning. We can do so much from knowledge and yet, despite the vast amount of knowledge out there, there are still many things we cannot change.
Recently, trying to digest and learn from ourselves has become a challenge for me. More specific, watching your parents age and all the trials and tribulations that are attached to that.
AS we ourselves grow, we beg and dream to become OLDER. "I wish I was older so I could be like them"......you say when you are young. In your teens, you beg to become older so you can access things that are only offered to adults.
When you finally turn the corner of your late thirties early forties......you start to wish you could turn back the clocks and slow things down. The best things are starting when you hit your 40's........the best thing of growing older is to stop living our life for others and start living for yourself.
My mother, the strength in any family dynamics, your rock for most, isn't anyone that is allowed to age, isn't allowed to get sick, isn't allowed to do wrong. She is your MOM!!!
So, to get that wretched call that your mother has been rushed to the hospital, your world halts. IMMEDIATELY.
You are thrust back to being that helpless little youngster that needed assistance with everything, that needed her mommy to put the band aid on that cut, to kiss it better and to boast your self esteem when you never got picked for that team during recess.
To watch helplessly whilst your mom is lying on a hospital bed is indescribable. To learn that she may need a pace maker to control her enlarged heart, to learn that her heart stops and she passes out, to be told that she doesn't know who you are or who anyone in that family photo is.............
Sure, you can hope that these people they call "EXPERTS" know exactly what they are doing and can fix her. You hope that time will cease for her sake, so that they can correct the problems, you beg God to forgive you for every fight you ever had with her. You beg him to take your sorrow and pain away and that she will heal.
Having strong support beside you along the way is truly the only way anyone can survive through something like this.
I have gone through so much in my lifetime and I haven't even hit my peak, but I will continue to pray and love unconditionally and hope that this is not the way she will leave this world. I hope that with this scare, we learn to reprogram ourselves to live healthier, happier and enjoy what we have RIGHT NOW because that is truly all we have is this very moment.
What are YOU doing with yours?
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