The Crossroads...

What happens when you are born in one country but long for the life in another?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
Sure, I know, you have gone on and on about this for a couple years now......
THE DREAM IS TOO STRONG I TELL YA, I CAN'T & MORE IMPORTANTLY WON'T GIVE UP NOW!

So, yesterday being Thanksgiving, BOY AM I THANKFUL.
Hold on, it was American Thanksgiving if we are truly keeping score here.
However, in my mind, I have adopted the country as my own and have "Americanized" myself if you will.
From language, spelling, thoughts and also, measurements, I know some of my friends, family & colleagues are frustrated but continue to turn that blind eye when I start to speak.
I woke yesterday with the longing for HOME.
I cried during my shift at work when I heard a very important song that has changed my life.
Importantly named HOME, Daughtry has established the feelings I have so deeply been feeling for some time.
I sing it when I am feeling the urge to go back.
Celebrations have ALWAYS seemed way bigger for me since starting the journey.
Birthday's never feel the same, Christmas certainly doesn't mean much, although they never have since my brother Mark died but they don't help when your sitting by yourself in a frozen tundra and everyone you love are basking in sunshine.
I swear, I could care LESS to see another snowflake again in my lifetime.
Palms and sun and surf would be much better in my opinion for me.
I know millions long for the snowflake to drop down from the grey skies and kiss their eyelids as they walk in the crisp air.
For me, growing up with it, never really was something I loved.
I hated getting geared up, walking like a mummy outside to sit the frigid cold and create creatures in the snow.

I waltz across that floor at work last night and heard the whisper of Daughtry first come across those speakers and I felt the bubbling urge of tears moisten my eyelids and tried very hard to prevent the fallout.
Bite my lip I said to myself, it will help......NOTHING.
OK OK....maybe pinch yourself to stop it....
GROW UP I told myself, your an adult, your CANADIAN.....suck it up buttercup.
However as it played on, so the tears started.
The place wasn't busy, as usual as of late, I mean who wants to blow cash a month before Christmas?
I started to think about all the people that are really important in my life, getting ready to put turkey into the oven, the gathering of friends and family, the comfort that it would bring me.
Perhaps it is the alone time that I have been having that I am most wanting to subside?
I know, grass is greener and all, I have heard it all before.
However, after seeing what I HAD, and knew I had to CHANGE IT.....
I decided that being the gypsy wasn't so bad after all.
Everyone was jealous actually.
You don't have kids, you can go anywhere and not have to worry.
Your not married, you can go out with anyone.
Seriously, does ANYONE realize what those words MIGHT do to me?

THEY SCARE. They upset me.
They make me wonder WHY I DIDN'T STAY AND FIGHT??
Well, after 8 years of CRAP, and HELL and PUNISHMENT that I FOUGHT to stay in.....
I decided that being ALONE was far BETTER then staying with him.
Now, I would NEVER, EVER say that there wasn't happy times.....I just don't remember them is all.
That is what the trouble is, you seem to mostly always remember the bad, the good just slip.
Perhaps when bad is what was provided most of your youth, you tend to push past it and go for only the good.
So, today I push for what I WANT.
What makes ME happy.
Although I admit I still worry about making others happy first....
Ultimately, my goal is to enjoy MY LIFE.....MY WAY!!
There are surprises along the road, but support and love from my family & friends will get me through.

With that, I am comfortable and patient waiting for the news.
Two positions I KNOW I AM GOING TO GET.
The first, will provide me with little experience that I need to propel myself further in my career path.
The other......A WHOLE NEW WORLD...that's where I'll be.